Knowing My Boundaries

Knowing My Boundaries:

There are a lot of good ideas floated by a lot of good people. People I follow and get sufficient value from that keeps me going back to their books, webpages, and webinar’s. Time and again, I will re-listen to something older to keep my knowledge rounded out with affirmation of something I already knew, while at the same time I listen for things to add to my toolbox on how to keep moving forward.

There are “influencers” and I’ve given their material license to impact my life, my boundaries, and how I plan on living successfully from today forward. Some of these influencers are preachers, current and historical, others have been story tellers, news reporters, and teachers from a host of varied experiences. I mean, who hasn’t received a nugget of knowledge from the likes of Zig Ziglar, Charles Kuralt, Charles Osgood, Garrison Keillor, or even Paul Harvey! Good Day!

I’ll share more about these influencers another day, but for now, think about how much space you have surrounding your world, and if there was sufficient amount of time and real estate, you would not hesitate on checking out more material than you can possibly deal with in your 24 hour period.

Back in 2003, my bride and I were transitioning from Alaska, a great state we both miss dearly, to the Pacific Northwest region called Washington. Her job transferred her to a new location, so we trusted in God who knows all our plans and limits, and headed south. We were carrying our 3 huge Alaskan dogs and it was difficult to make room for them in our vehicle, and in our travel routine. They needed to stop and smell more territory than we had time for. We had a deadline. They were only interested in escape….

We were familiar with the Canadian Broadcast radio that crosses that huge country to the north of us. Along the road you will find signs telling you where their next broadcast signal would be found on your FM radio dial. We tuned in, and it seems it was just at the best time. Leaving the Yukon, headed into British Columbia, CBC began broadcasting a series of shows that we were thoroughly enjoying. Comedy. Music. News. Interviews. An assortment of non-cacophonous noise that was pleasant to listen to and follow.

But each station had a boundary. You could hardly pass by a certain point in the road without realizing you had left the boundary of said station. You could not extend the boundary without more power to the broadcasting antennae, and that was not in our bailiwick!

In modern times, traveling between British Columbia and Washington state, the boundary of the countries is real, with a required passport control funnel, an interview by border agents, AND, your phone will automatically stop working on your existing network. It will scan for something to replace the signal with, and there will be limitations on what you can do, how much it will cost, and how to acquire the new service. Regardless, there are boundaries.

Boundaries are real. They play a role in every portion of our lives. We place boundaries on our work hours, play hours, and resting time. Think about everything you do in life, and you will find boundaries. Some imposed by others, including the authorities, and others imposed by nature, and still more are imposed by our own self.

Every sport has boundaries. There is a field of play, and you can easily go out of bounds and nothing you gain past that white line will count toward your score. Each sport has rules that place boundaries on how we conduct ourselves with other players, coaches, fans, referees, and the tools of the trade.

Every job has boundaries. There are established routines, policies, and procedures you need to know in order to be successful. Step across the line, and HR will be called into a private session with you to determine if you have gone too far.

Even driving down a road has boundaries. Rules galore. Consequences can be hugely negative if you do not know the boundaries. Every law is there for a reason, even if we think they are not needed.

Every relationship. Every dinner plate. Every shopping trip. Everything has boundaries. The words we choose, the friends we make, the places we go… Boundaries everywhere. We would do well to know what these boundaries are, and how to live within them successfully.

When it comes to spiritual things, you know, your relationship with God, the Word, and Others, boundaries exist everywhere. Stepping across a line might easily be called Sin, but ignoring our  walk with God sufficiently is equally a Sin. What we think, how we act, what we say – all have boundaries. Rules. Covenants. Laws. Expectations. Limits. The consequences of us not staying within the boundary markers can be huge. It’s eternal.

A few years ago I put up a simple fence of material and plastic posts to define yard space for my dogs. They could not run through, though I’m sure they could find courage to jump over it if I gave them time to think about it. This fence has fallen into disrepair, and I’m replacing it next month. But as weeds and time bow it to the ground, the dogs still respect that boundary. They will not go past it, even when chasing the rabbits! Those bunnies seem to know all the escape places, and yet the dogs respect the fence. 

Think about boundaries for a moment.

What self-imposed boundaries have you placed in your life to ensure you do not get past the penalty line? What boundaries have others placed upon their connection to you? Have you learned to draw a line, or obey the line that is placed for your safety, or do you regularly exercise your judgement that those lines mean nothing?

Here’s my thought: Having boundaries is necessary. Knowing them is even more important. Living by them keeps us moving forward more successfully than one could imagine. We should write a book for ourselves on what our boundaries are, and then learn to live by them.

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Beneath Western Wall

To some, boundaries are huge walls of defense. They are built high, deep, thick and sufficiently strong to ensure safety. In Israel, we journeyed beneath the visible West wall (Wailing wall) and saw the foundation that was a massive undertaking during a time of no hydraulic equipment… They must have felt Desperate to build such a strong wall, yet they were conquered several times in spite of the boundary.

Boundaries work, but you must build them, maintain them, and keep your understanding alive as to what those boundaries mean.

Quickly. Can you name 10 boundaries in your life?

(Listen to this blog here.)

You Have To Take A Stand

It is Imperative that you Learn how to take a Stand!

Wooden ModelOr you may be overwhelmed by everything… Something like that. It’s uncomfortable taking a stand, especially when it is viewed as controversial, or going against the popular majority. It’s easier for that stand to hold fast when your reason for doing so has a solid foundation and a background of purpose.

The best thing to remember, properly prepared and equipped, you are not taking a stand by yourself!

An easy example is talking negative about someone, or choosing to take the high road and not letting all that talk be entertained in your presence. Drawing the line and saying No… Changing directions and moving away from the experience. However you approach the high road, you are taking a stand on what you believe to be the right and better way of dealing with the issue.

Over the years we have all taken stands and lost friends in the process, even close friends. When your stand is based upon sound judgement, then what you have lost is probably not as big of a loss as you might imagine. Constantly being bombarded by an opposite viewpoint can weaken your stance over time. If you do not have a mechanism to stand up against something, you will eventually get swept up like so much flotsam in the tide.

The Apostle Paul wrote to a church about this. You may even know the reference very well! First of all, he tells us to take on God’s Armor. Not the pieces and parts that you might need in a moment of time, but put on the Whole Armor. (Ephesians 6:11-18) Why?

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12 NKJV)

If I am to understand his reference then my ability to withstand the devil of this world comes from being properly armored against the forces of this age. Spiritual hosts of wickedness. Rulers of Darkness. Principalities. Powers.

And not flesh and blood.

All of the negative things found in the arguments of those around me, come from being influenced by those spiritual forces that I need to be standing against! The enemy is not my brother, but the side he chooses may be the side of powerful spiritual forces!

So. I need armor. All of it!

What is this Armor? Paul describes it in the smaller pieces that protect us in certain areas of our lives.

Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— (Ephesians 6:14-18 NKJV)

  • Your waist is surrounded by truth. What you know, and what you produce, is NOTHING but Truth. Truth sets you free. (John 8:32)
  • Your breastplate of righteousness protects your heart, because it is out of the abundance of the “heart” that the mouth will speak (Matthew 12:34). This Righteousness (Right Living) protects what you know and how you live!
  • Your feet are shod with the preparations of the gospel of peace – and you are the presenter of peace! Blessed are the Peacemakers! (Matthew 5:9) You are not the challenger of their position! You are there to bring peace like Jesus gave us before he left! (John 14:27)
  • You pick up that mobile tool of defense, that Shield of Faith, from which you will be able to quench (extinguish)  ALL the fiery darts of the enemy! According to your faith so shall it be unto you! (Matthew 9:29) You are not deflecting the fiery dart away from you! Your shield of FAITH is quenching them when they strike!
  • Put on that Helmet of Salvation – the protection of the Mind. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:5)… Protect your Mind, that thinking piece of your life that can easily be swayed by the negatives of the dark forces surrounding us!
  • Take the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God – It is a sharper weapon that is offensively used and is better than anything you have in your personal arsenal. (Hebrews 4:12)
  • Praying always… In the Spirit. (Romans 8:26)

Somewhere along the way we try to abolish the negative things around us with our own might. Be cautious with your human frailties in addressing these things… You are bound to lose when you argue from your own position. You are, after all, just flesh and blood.

So he answered and said to me: “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ Says the LORD of hosts. (Zechariah 4:6 NKJV)

 

 

I Will Speak

Have you ever struggled with speaking out?

Speak Out 001It’s almost as if you are afraid to speak up, and speak out. Embarrassed? Shy? Unsure?

If I have learned anything over the past 30-40 years, there is a time to speak out, and a time to be quiet. Almost ecclesiastical. You know, Solomon-isc?

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 KJV)

Learning when it is time to speak, and time to be quiet… A hard won lesson at time. Martin Luther King made a comment that has stuck with me for a long time.

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

There is a time to be quiet, and a time to speak out. Do you know the difference? Incessantly chattering about nothing is stressful to those around you and it puts you in a strained position of friendship.

It was a stressed time of family. Abraham and Lot had split from each other, one to the plains and the other to the left overs. You would think the elder would have won the best place to be, but it was Lot who was allowed to chose. He chose the plains. He chose the cities.

But there came a time of trouble for Lot. His life in the cities had turned into a total mess. When it was time for God to judge and mete out necessary punishment. God said, “Shall I hide from Abraham this thing which I do?” As the sin and the punishment unfolded before Abraham, he spoke up to God:

“Indeed now, I who am but dust and ashes have taken it upon myself to speak to the Lord: ” (Genesis 18:27)

I have taken it upon myself to speak to God.

It takes a pretty big person to stand up to God, and then to bargain for the salvation of someone close. Someone who is guilty, and far from the place they should be. And if you find yourself in that position, realize that you need to know how far you can go in speaking out.

Just like our kids learn how far they can go in speaking out to us! Or the hired labor to the boss. Or how far I can go speaking out to my wife!

Even God took a moment to consider whether he should speak out to his friend, Abraham.

Take a moment. Think about the words you would like to say. Are they helpful, or hurtful? Do they lift up or tear down? Are they for your benefit, or for the recipients?

If it is not a positive, then learn the lesson. Don’t speak out.

 

The Story of Your Life

It’s Amazing…

My Story 000We often remember the worst of someone’s life, rather than the better. The weighted value of a single negative is more remembered than all the good.

We live in a time when revisionist work hard on re-writing history. In the light of the present knowledge and consumption, the past often contains pieces of our past that we are ashamed of, or we do not want it discussed by anyone.

Yes! Our past has much negative. But when that past is generations prior, there is not much I can do about it except to remember it in light of that time period.

For example, scripture is replete with events that are very violent and death was a very common theme.

“Thus says the LORD of hosts: ‘I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he ambushed him on the way when he came up from Egypt. Now go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. But kill both man and woman, infant and nursing child, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’ ” (1 Samuel 15:2-3 NKJV)

Utterly destroy everything. And these words come from God. To which we groan when we think about this in light of the God of our present day. Yet, judgement time will come in the future when there will be a replication of this utter destruction.

I can easily remember friends, family and neighbors when something bad happens. It’s amazing that I remember this bad more easily than I do the good, and I am often ashamed that this is the normal response to a persons name when called up in conversation or remembrance.

Perhaps what we need to do is start re-writing our own story. Not blotting out the negative, or explaining it away, but rather flooding the story with better things.

My Story 001The writer of Hebrews gives me pause to consider that there are those out there who are hoping for a better end to the story of my life than perhaps the memory of the life that is more easily recalled.

But, beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you, yes, things that accompany salvation, though we speak in this manner. For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. (Hebrews 6:9-12 NKJV)

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.

This is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long;
this is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long.

Why Do We Ask Why?

Why?

2014-08-12 16.12.26We are often blown away when a life is taken from us so soon.

Whether at the hands of a monster, accident, or by self, we seem shocked at the suddenness of a life shortened.

As I think about the passing of Robin Williams, I think about all the other lives in the public eye who have senselessly been taken out of the picture.

James Dean (1955), Marilyn Monroe (1962), Judy Garland (1969), Jimi Hendrix (1970), Janis Joplin (1970), Bruce Lee (1973), Cass Elliot (1974), Elvis (1977), John Lennon (1980), Natalie Wood (1981), Grace Kelly (1982), Vic Morrow (1982), John Belushi, (1982), Karen Carpenter (1983), Kurt Cobain (1994), Princess Di (1997), John Denver (1997), James Michener (1997), John Ritter (2003), Christopher Reeve (2004), Michael Jackson (2009)

Before you point out that there are hundreds more that should be on this list, let me remind you, “There are hundreds more that should be on this list, but these are the names I knew when I read the list.”

It’s not enough to simply ask “why” with a hope of clarity. Nor is it important to know all the details, yet we seem to yearn for every smidgen of information. If “why” is important, then what do we do with the answer?

It must be more than knowing the details and attempting to make sense of the “why.” It would be nice that once we know, we use tools to prevent others from walking down the same pathway – of course, that only works if they follow the advice.

We are shocked as famous people die of car wrecks, overdoses or intentional self deaths.  Do we somehow think them invincible? Are they bigger than life itself so surely nothing untoward can happen to them? However, they are simply people like anyone else around us, only they happen to be in the limelight.

We are less than shocked when the same tragedies happen hundreds and thousands of times every day to nameless faces.

As the story unfolded, USA Today web app had at least 6 stories on the death of Robin Williams and all the reactions. Every news report, talk show and print media had to bring it up, document favorite memories, and wonder about how we will remember Robin in the future – by his work or death? Everyone seemingly had some personal recollection how Robin impacted their own life – comedy sketches, TV appearances, movies, or interviews.

Everyone wanted an audience because it seems like everyone had something to say. This is true of those around us… Everyone seems to have something to say, and they need someone else to hear them.

Some misspoke as they talked aloud to their audience, others broke down and wept, and there were some who were not very nice.

I am often more concerned when the person who leaves so soon is one that I know, or one with unrealized potential, or even one who is so very innocent.

There have been a few heroes in my life who passed on that I remember all too well and their impact on who I am is greater than these other public figures.

You have your own list.

Mine includes my grandmother, Daniel Calk, Franklin Jones, James Kilgroe… These are the ones that will touch me more than some public figure. Their deaths may have seemed unnecessary at the time, but every one of them had a connection to God. Every one of them have a greater impact on who I am today than any public figure.

The one thing I take away from Robin’s passing… We really do not know anyone else! What are their demons? What do they battle when they are not in the public eye?

Even if they publish the facts, we still do not know them. Even if their life is an open book to us, we are surprised at their actions. The only tears I can justify is the finality of a life that has passed on to judgement. What will that judgment be?

By my youth pastor from 45 years ago, “By a life I did not live, and a death I did not die, I rest my whole eternity.”